Today we had the primary program. I would love to say that it went off without a hitch but that was not a case. Before we left I told Tag that if he went up and did his part then he would be able to paint a pumpkin when we got back. I know now that I should not have done that. When it was time for him to go up with the other kids, he really struggled. He got up there and screamed that it was all my fault that he was up there. I was embarrassed and I took him out. He calmed down a little and said that he needed to go back up there. I waited until they were in the middle of a song and took him back up. He was so upset and started to scream while they sang. I took him out again reluctantly. He was so upset so I held him on my laugh and told him that he was so brave to go up there. I also let him know that he would still get to paint his pumpkin. As I sat there and held him I had a thought come to my mind "Look how far he has come!". Last year he could not even make it through the practice. This year he made it through both practices and he attempted to go up there. So much progress. When he calmed down he asked me "Mom, was it hard for you to go up when you were little?" Oh my sweet boy, yes! It is still so hard for me to go up there! He wanted so badly to be able to go up there and do what he was supposed to but was so afraid. How the embarrassment faded as I held my little guy who is doing the best he can. I was so proud of him. This week a friend shared an article with me called "The Sword or the Angel". It is an amazing article written by a mom of a son with severe autism. She tells the story: "Why do we have to endure these challenges? Could God heal him if he so desired? Without question, he could. Do we lack sufficient faith or perhaps God doesn’t love us as much as he loves others. Some parents have seen miracles with their autistic children. All fair questions. What would the Lord have us learn? A few years ago, we went to a fireside and the speaker asked some of these same questions. He referred to the Book of Acts, Chapter 12. Herod the king put Peter and James into prison. Both were apostles. Both were members of Christ’s most inner circle. The circumstances and timing are the same. In verse two, James gets the sword and is martyred; but Peter, in verse seven, gets an angel. He is saved by the angel who assists him in escaping prison. Why such a harsh contrast between the treatment of these two apostles? You have to ask the questions. Did Peter have more faith than James? Probably not; they were equals before the Lord. Then maybe the Lord loved Peter more than he loved James. When you think that through it doesn’t really seem likely. Then why did one get the sword and the other the angel? Perhaps that is just the way life is; sometimes we get the sword and sometimes we get the angel and there are no easy answers. But no matter the trial or burden, we can choose to yoke ourselves with the Savior and, by so choosing, our burden will be shared by Him who has infinite strength and who has suffered all.
There was a time when we felt like we got the sword with Elijah. The pain was sharp and the wound deep. But Elijah is innocent and pure before the Lord. We are better people because he is in our family. Our other children have always served him and we have had to sacrifice and humble ourselves because of the challenges. Have our lives been more difficult? Yes, without question. But do we live better lives because of him? Again, I would say yes, without question.
At a time when Elijah rarely spoke a word, a teacher asked each of the special needs students in the class what they were thankful for. Each took their turn … a favorite toy or a friend. When she came to Elijah, she asked him the same question. She paused for a few moments, but did not expect him to answer at all. He usually did not respond to any verbal prompt, but a small light burst from his soul and penetrated the invisible barrier.
He opened his mouth and said just one word. He said, “Love.”
We didn’t get the sword. We got the angel."
I love this article and can relate so much. Tag is such an angel in our life. He teaches all of us daily how to be better people. He is pure and speaks without worry. I love the lessons I am learning as I am blessed to be his mom.
PS- I did not get to watch the other kids do the program but I could hear each of them give their part. They did any amazing job and knew their parts by memory!
